Ten Steps to Fixing Yourself

I know, this is over-simplified and really just common sense. I could write numerous pages about each one. Really, I am, when I stop and think about it, one wee post at a time. Well, I suppose then that this is like the cheat sheets in the Dummies books. :-) This is how I did it – if it works for you great. If not, ignore! ;-)

1. Recognize that you have a problem – probably more than one. Don’t we all? So, do yourself a favor and don’t kid yourself. Admit you have a problem.

2. Recognize that you are part of the problem(s). There really is no way around this. Even if you think you’re a victim, and you MAY BE in some ways, realize that your reactions to the problem(s) are helping to create them.

3. Now identify your part in the problem. In other words, figure out your role in it. I guarantee there is one, at least one, even if it’s just your attitude. Make a list of the possibilities.

4. Commit to change. Even three minutes a day is an excellent start.

5. Seek help. Go to therapy. Join a support group. It’s not enough to talk to a friend. Friends are great, but they can’t give you enough perspective. Read as much as you can get your hands on about your situation. Keep learning. Do your best to do this as often as possible.

6. Recognize that you can learn from anyone. There is no person from whom you cannot learn something valuable. If you believe that a certain person has nothing to teach you, then you’re not “there yet.” Keep looking for things you can learn from every person you meet.

7. Accept every emotion and thought that you have as valid. That doesn’t mean you act upon them, especially in destructive ways. It just means acknowledging every feeling, thought, memory, dream and perception. This gives all of them less power over you. Believe that all your feelings, thoughts, memories, dreams and perceptions are equal. This also gives them less power over you. Stop labeling things as ONLY good or ONLY bad, ONLY right or ONLY wrong. Everything is a mixture of both good and bad and right and wrong. If you can accept this you’ll find your feelings and thoughts become much less “severe.”

8. SLOWLY replace the habits that are harming you (and others) with ones that don’t. This takes time and patience. Don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes or not getting it perfect all the time. Guess what? You never achieve perfect and you will always make mistakes. Just keep chipping away, very slowly, the slower the better, as changes that are done slowly and mindfully stick with us. Don’t try to rush yourself. Shrug off the voices and keep plugging away. Do not try to change 9 habits at once. :-)

9. Practice, practice, practice! Every day is practice day. Keep track of your progress, in some form or another. This really helps put things (past events, worries about the future) into perspective. If you can see your growth you will want to make more changes. Seeing your own evolution is very motivating. So journal, blog, make lists – do something to record the process.

10. Now, go with flow, go with intent. Do your best to put creative energy into the world. Think harmony for all, equality for all. Inspire people and be here, NOW!

That’s it! It’s as good as it gets. :-)

15 responses

  1. I have to say that these are wonderful points. I think sometimes people fail to recognize that seeking help from a friend is not enough. I also think that we have to find out what function damaging behaviors serve in our life. I think identifying that can help us to find healthier ways to cope.

  2. Love your writing! I have always thought my brother suffered from BPD and I have also spoke to him regarding it and it ends up going no where. He tries to lighten the matter with jokes and it is far from that. It affects his sleep, his ability to stay focused and his relationships with family & friends. I have learned how to deal with him very well, and I must say a lot of it is watching his body lanuage, listening to him before I even choose to speak, only to learn what kind of mood he is in. I often feel as I am walking on egg shells when in the same room with him. I wish he would take my advice and seek help or even just talk to someone, someone other than a friend or family member.

    • Oh, I understand that. I have a relative who has it as well and won’t budge about getting treatment, though it has caused so many troubles. You’re right, it is no joking matter – it can cause a lot of destruction, if not treated. It very nearly destroyed ME until I sought help.

      Yes, that sounds like what I have been through. Treatment is essential. I don’t think you get by without help. Just my opinion though.

      It’s wonderful of you that you’ve found ways to cope with your brother. We need more people like you, reaching out and trying to learn. I know it can’t be easy, but I am proud of you, your effort. I am also honored that you took the time to comment. I appreciate it.

      Have you read the book, “Stop Walking on Eggshells,” by Randi Kreger? That may be of some help.

      I wish he would get help, too, because I don’t know of a way it gets better on its own. It must be acknowledged, obviously that is step one. We can’t fight things if we refuse to see them. I wish you well.

      FYI: I am going to be doing a series of posts on DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), which is really the therapy of choice for BPD. I hope to start that in the next day or two. I will be using the DBT manual that I used in class as a guide for the posts, probably about 12 in all. I hope to shed some light on this therapy, from a patient’s perspective, in case anyone wants to try it but is feeling some apprehension.

      Thank you again for commenting. ♥ I will be thinking of you and your brother.

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