I know, this is over-simplified and really just common sense. I could write numerous pages about each one. Really, I am, when I stop and think about it, one wee post at a time. Well, I suppose then that this is like the cheat sheets in the Dummies books. This is how I did it – if it works for you great. If not, ignore!
1. Recognize that you have a problem – probably more than one. Don’t we all? So, do yourself a favor and don’t kid yourself. Admit you have a problem.
2. Recognize that you are part of the problem(s). There really is no way around this. Even if you think you’re a victim, and you MAY BE in some ways, realize that your reactions to the problem(s) are helping to create them.
3. Now identify your part in the problem. In other words, figure out your role in it. I guarantee there is one, at least one, even if it’s just your attitude. Make a list of the possibilities.
4. Commit to change. Even three minutes a day is an excellent start.
5. Seek help. Go to therapy. Join a support group. It’s not enough to talk to a friend. Friends are great, but they can’t give you enough perspective. Read as much as you can get your hands on about your situation. Keep learning. Do your best to do this as often as possible.
6. Recognize that you can learn from anyone. There is no person from whom you cannot learn something valuable. If you believe that a certain person has nothing to teach you, then you’re not “there yet.” Keep looking for things you can learn from every person you meet.
7. Accept every emotion and thought that you have as valid. That doesn’t mean you act upon them, especially in destructive ways. It just means acknowledging every feeling, thought, memory, dream and perception. This gives all of them less power over you. Believe that all your feelings, thoughts, memories, dreams and perceptions are equal. This also gives them less power over you. Stop labeling things as ONLY good or ONLY bad, ONLY right or ONLY wrong. Everything is a mixture of both good and bad and right and wrong. If you can accept this you’ll find your feelings and thoughts become much less “severe.”
8. SLOWLY replace the habits that are harming you (and others) with ones that don’t. This takes time and patience. Don’t beat yourself up for making mistakes or not getting it perfect all the time. Guess what? You never achieve perfect and you will always make mistakes. Just keep chipping away, very slowly, the slower the better, as changes that are done slowly and mindfully stick with us. Don’t try to rush yourself. Shrug off the voices and keep plugging away. Do not try to change 9 habits at once.
9. Practice, practice, practice! Every day is practice day. Keep track of your progress, in some form or another. This really helps put things (past events, worries about the future) into perspective. If you can see your growth you will want to make more changes. Seeing your own evolution is very motivating. So journal, blog, make lists – do something to record the process.
10. Now, go with flow, go with intent. Do your best to put creative energy into the world. Think harmony for all, equality for all. Inspire people and be here, NOW!
That’s it! It’s as good as it gets.